
Re: Men need lessons on choosing women
Teenagers, especially girls, are the most victimized segment of our population (and at the same time, the least likely to report a crime).Young women (all women) benefit from understanding this paradox: men are nice when they pursue, women are nice when they reject. The most troublesome part of this niceness is the way to popular practice called “letting him down easy.” De Becker goes on to say in “Protecting the Gift:” True to what they are taught, rejecting-women often say less than what they mean. True to what they are taught, men often hear less than what is said. The root of the problem lies with our inabilities to be totally honest especially to ourselves. “No” can mean many things in this culture. Here’s just a small sample: “Maybe,” “Hmm,” “Not sure,” “Not yet,” “Give me time,” “Keep trying,” “I’ve found my man!”
Of course, some young women are worried that not responding, they will provoke him, so they try letting him down easy. Often, the result is that he believes she is conflicted, uncertain, really likes him but doesn’t know it yet or doesn’t want to let go of him. When a girl rejects someone that has a crush on her, and says, “It’s just that I don’t want to be in a relationship right now,” he hears only the words “right now.” To him, this means she will want to later. The rejection should be “I don’t want to be in a relationship with you.”
Thanks
Military dating